Welcome back-long time no posts! I’m sorry for my slacking off this year-it has been a crazy and eventful time of my life. In fact, 2019 thus far ranks up there with some of the worst for sure.
I haven’t written in a long time partially because I was waiting for something great to write about, and partially because I have barely had time to breathe. During my last semester of PT school, I was placed in a rotation that did not challenge me as a student physical therapist. I felt like: this is my last semester, right before I graduate and take the boards~I should be doing and learning so much more. So now what? While the clinical site itself was incredible, I just was not getting enough patient care time to take away what I needed as a last-semester PT student. I spoke with my school’s clinical coordinator and was switched to a new site halfway through the 15-week rotation. I went from 0-100 in 60 seconds. Since I basically had to condense a whole 15-week rotation into 8 weeks, I was being fed information and assignments at lightning speed; it was like drinking from a fire hose! This time, I did end up learning a lot more at my second clinical site and getting more hands-on treatment time. But it felt like I was crawling to the finish line (ie: graduation). I was torn down over and over again and made to feel like I was incompetent as a Physical Therapist day in and day out; I was playing in the world’s biggest game of catch up. During this time, I was also betrayed by someone to whom I had given my heart. Icing on the cake.
But I wasn’t about to let any of this get to me; I was getting ready to graduate with my Doctorate AND I nailed my dream job! During the last few weeks of my internship, I had interviewed with multiple hospitals in the area, and was offered employment on a temporary practice permit at the level one trauma center that I had done my first 15-week rotation with. I was THRILLED-the company has an incredible mentorship and continuing education program, and I was coming back to the place that had shaped me as an acute-care therapist to do what I love most. Over the course of just a few weeks, I graduated from PT school, moved into the most adorable apartment in a 100-year-old house in the city with my best friend, and started my new job as Elizabeth Stanek, DPT. I was on top of the world.
Our cute new apartment!
Keep in mind that when I accepted my offer of employment, it was under the condition that if I did not pass the boards on July 25th, I would be terminated. I accepted the position without hesitation-I had been studying for this test since January, and I just need to dedicate a few more weeks of studying after work and on the weekends to succeed. It was about three weeks before the exam when I had taken 6 practice exams and only had passed one. The tutor that came to my school for a NPTE prep course had given us the statistic that 98% of people who have passed at least 3 practice exams prior to the real thing will pass. Our tutor recommended that if we do not pass 3 practice exams, we should pay the small fee to defer the exam until October. But I couldn’t imagine studying for another 3 MONTHS; I was already burnt out and I felt like I had nothing more to study. So, for the last three weeks leading up to the exam, I went to the library every day after work for 2 hours, and spend the weekend days there as well. I was willing to do anything to pass this exam; I even told my friends that I was “grounded” for the better part of the next three weeks and not available to go out/do anything fun. I took the exam on July 25th and truthfully did not think it was any harder than I expected it to be.
I went into work for the next week as a ball of anxiety, obsessively checking the status of my exam basically every 5 minutes. And then last night, I hit refresh and got the worst case scenario. I failed. In big red letters. My mind went about a million miles a minute as I thought: now what? I promised my employers that I would pass and they had faith in me; now they’re down a PT. And what about me? How am I going to afford to live for the next three months on no income? I just wasted over $500 to lose my job and my confidence with one test. And WHAT MORE can I possibly study to pass in October?? I’m still trying to wrap my head around all of this.
I didn’t write this post to gain pity or whine about poor little me. I wrote this to empower anyone who might be struggling with their career or personal life right now. To let you know that you are not alone. We have to believe that God does not give us anything we can’t handle and that He is just preparing us for something even better in the future. If anything at all, the last 24 hours have reinforced to me that my God, my friends, and my family are the best support system anyone could have. My phone has been ringing off the hook all day from people who love and care about me. I am truly surrounded by some of the most incredible people (y’all know who you are!) and am so grateful.
Graduation with some of my biggest supporters
I still have no idea how I will recover from this, but mark my words this is not the end. I have gone through far too much B.S, coffee, tears, and late nights spent studying during this journey to quit now. Today has reminded me why I started DreamingDPT in the first place: to create a space to share my experience with other dreamers to provide insight into what it’s really like to go through PT school. Social media has turned into a forum to show off that your life is better than someone else’s and today I needed a change; a bit of “real life” to add to my feed. I hope my vulnerability inspires you to be the best version of yourself; keep kicking ass, and keep on chasing your dreams. If something knocks you down, dust yourself off and get back up again. We are all far too worthy of a great life to give up after a small bump in the road. Next week I will lay out my latest plan to conquer the NPTE. Until then, I’ll be going to the beach for some much needed R&R with three of my very best friends.
Keep On Dreaming,
Liz
Dreaming dpt 